Warring.

Will I ever learn? Will I ever stop being so shallow? Will I ever learn to grow up? God, I wish I could keep my lips closed. I wish I could keep my heart unshaken. I wish I could contain my feelings. It hurts me. To look back and see myself so prideful. So full of myself and full of my own desires. Where is that heart of Christ I long for? Where is the beautifully redeemed side of me? I wish it would shine through. I wish I could simply be Yours God. I hate sin. But by do I do what I so much hate? Why do I still war against my fleshly self when it has already been put to death? O dear God, please help me.

  "14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.      21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.(Romans 7: 14-25)