Upon reflection.

I will begin by saying how personal this blog post is to me and the strength I have needed to post it. Please read with an understanding heart.

 Being home I have the an opportunity to reflect upon my last semester of college. Three words have come to mind during my reflection. 
Adjustment. 

Stagnant. 

Hopeful.

Adjustment.

     College has been an adjustment for me. It is so much more different than I could have imagined in both good and bad ways. I have found that I have adjusted my time to fit my school and work schedules as well as making room for my social life. Unfortunately my time with Christ is where I have compromised. In a sense, I have been fitting Him in. Whether it was the extra half hour before bed with my flashlight, or the ten minutes of free time before my laundry was finished, instead of adjusting the busyness of life for Christ, I have adjusted my time with Christ for busyness. This in turn has led to the next word.

Stagnant.

     Where is my spiritual growth? Surely I haven't turned away from God. I've continued to read His word, have had deep conversation about his faithfulness, served Him through volunteering, and prayed before meals and bed. But yet, I feel farther away from Him than before I left for college. And why? I squeezed Him into my schedule and prided myself in this as if it was my own humble deeds. I've drowned in self-righteousness. And through it all I have been so loveless. Tonight my sister read 1 Corinthians 13. I realized what a case I have made for Paul's words. The chapter reads,

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

      How little anything profits without love. And how little I have profited the Lord. Oh that I may change. Oh that I may learn to love well. Oh that I may be broken by my selfishness and desire to bring glory to Him alone. 

Hopeful.

     And yet, in all of my sin, I praise God for His grace and His mercies. Praise God, for He has given me the grace to recognize my self-righteous spirit. He has chosen by His sovereignty to reveal to me the darkness of my ways. Praise Him who forgives and desires to change my stagnant heart. "His love never fails." And because He has first loved me, may I now love Him and love others. I know that the Lord my God is faithful and that He will complete the work which He has started in me. (Philippians 1:1-11) And in this I have hope.

Upon entering college...

             

...I don't think I understood how hard it would be. College is amazing, don't get me wrong, but it is so hard. There is such an opportunity to get caught up in yourself. Even in a Christian college it is easy to find yourself thinking, what will I do with with my life? Who are my friends? How am I making a good impression? It is easy to become selfish when these become the questions your hearts is reflecting upon daily. God convicted me about this in the past few weeks. It's easy for me to look out for myself and purposely elevate myself when I'm feeling self-conscious. Living for me can be exhausting, probably because it's not the way God designed us to live. So how can we fix this epidemic of selfishness as we live in a society that is all about "putting yourself first?"
            
First it is important to remember that we are not our own. 1 Corinthians 6 discusses the importance of living in this knowledge. I encourage you to read the entire chapter, but verses 19-20 really have impacted me. They state,

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."

We are Christ's. Our life should not be about bringing glory to ourselves, it is all about bringing Him glory. As we journey through life it is important to remember that we are continually living in His grace, abiding in His love, and walking in everlasting His forgiveness. Grace is such a beautiful thing - He loves us despite our sins. How humbling. How marvelous. His grace compels our worship of Him.
         
Second, it is also so important to remember to put others first. What? Yes, that's right, put others before yourself and see how it changes you.  A blog post I read recently by Leslie Ludy stated it well. She said,

"Though we typically become more socially refined in our selfishness as we grow into adulthood, often we never grasp what it means to be truly humble.  In Romans 12:3 Paul exhorts us: For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think…

In our “put yourself first” culture, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking too highly of ourselves.  Instead of looking for ways to build others up, we are often far more concerned with building ourselves up.  Whether we strive to be the center of attention at social gatherings, gossip and put others down in order to elevate our own reputation, or spend the majority of our time trying to build up our popularity on social media platforms – our society is rife with opportunities to choose self-honor over humility. 

This week, ask God for the grace to tune out the “me, me, me” messages of our culture, and focus on building others up, instead of yourself.  Look for ways to encourage and strengthen those around you.   When we approach others with an attitude of true humility, we reflect the glory of God and reveal the nature of Christ." (To read the whole article click Here.)

Well, That's all for now. Just wanted to share what was on my heart with all you out there. 

Tragically Beautiful

               I've come to the conclusion that my life is tragically beautiful. Its horrible and jaw-dropping and startling and breathtaking. Its everything I'd never want, but in the end its something I'll always love. Life makes makes me cry and laugh and feel warm inside. Life's a mystery. Its like putting together a puzzle without the picture, because honestly, there is no formula given for perfection. And at the end of all life's confusion, I've found that for most it is ultimately and utterly tragic - tragic for those with no map. But that's what makes it beautiful for me - I do have a map.
             
              Within life's craziness, God's given us narrow view of what's ahead, a source of direction. So life, although tragic and horrible at times, has its sunsets and beautiful beginnings. God's grace, guidance, and goodness along with those impacted by His beauty add colorful light to the tragic darkness around us. Christ is all things beautiful and bright. Complacent Christians, can we please stop trying to be "cool" and "current" and simply imitate Him? Why can't we simply reflect his beautiful glory into the world? Because, when you take a chance to look, its obvious that its a tragic place out there. The world is longing for beauty whether they admit it or not. Can we all, as Christ-bearers, agree to be beautiful together?

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light  (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord." ~ Ephesians 5:1-10

His Grace.

I know I already posted today, but I saw this on one of my favorite blogs (chattingatthesky.com) and I couldn't help but repost, I felt like I prayed this exact prayer earlier today.

"Oh God, gather me now to be with you as you are with me.

Soothe my tiredness;
quiet my fretfulness;
curb my aimlessness;
relieve my complusiveness;
let me be easy for a moment.

O Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open
to receiving what you give,
to risking something genuinely new,
to learning something refreshingly different.

Forgive me
for claiming so much for myself
that I leave no room for gratitude;
for confusing exercises in self-importance
with acceptance of self-worth;
for complaining so much of my burdens
that I become a burden;
for competing against others so insidiously
that I stifle celebrating them
and receiving your blessing through their gifts.

O God, gather me to be with you as you are with me.

Amen."

Ted Loder, Guerillas of Grace

A Prayer for Restoration

Dear Father,
            Renew within me the fire you set in my heart this past summer. God renew within me the thirst I have for you, the desire for something more, the hope for something beautiful. God, I am never content with earthly things, only your true glory satisfies. Your blameless nature, your flawless love, God let me desire that. Not the attention of others, not the cooing and ahhhing of an audience, but rather I simply wish to desire your love.
           God I don't understand my jealousy of others. I don't see why I wish sometimes to be different. You created me special, and everyone else unique as well. You love us all equally, but know us each intimately and separately. Why do I wish for more than I have, when I am already so blessed. Forgive me. Forgive me for coveting and jealousy and unkind words and impure thoughts.
           Lord, I love you and I'm so very sorry for the times when I act as though I don't. I'm not perfect and you know that, so thank you for cleansing me with your son's blood. Thank you for forgiving and purifying me. I will love you always.
Love,
Your daugther

Wait quietly.

“Wait quietly in My presence while My thoughts form silently in the depths of your being. Do not try to rush this process, because hurry keeps your heart earthbound.“ - Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
              
                I'm going to be so honest here. Today was confusing and stressful and great and horrible all in the same. I leave tomorrow for 3 days to visit a possible future college choice. Its been so busy here and just the thought of being our of the loop for 3 days doesn't appeal to me. But, I'm still going. On top of it all, I'm finishing up the application process for a few colleges, which is rather stressful, and preparing for another application. I'm also missing my sister horribly and feeling rather lonely. I don't know which guy to like and who to trust. And on top of that all I have school and church ministries and academic scholarship programs and.....

Hush.

In the middle of all my complaining and ranting about all my troubles my eternal Love comes in and quiets me. I just need somewhere to breath. Something to rejuvenate me. And He will do just that. I don't want a hurried earthbound heart, but rather one that is caught up in Christ's peaceful and calming beauty.

Warring.

Will I ever learn? Will I ever stop being so shallow? Will I ever learn to grow up? God, I wish I could keep my lips closed. I wish I could keep my heart unshaken. I wish I could contain my feelings. It hurts me. To look back and see myself so prideful. So full of myself and full of my own desires. Where is that heart of Christ I long for? Where is the beautifully redeemed side of me? I wish it would shine through. I wish I could simply be Yours God. I hate sin. But by do I do what I so much hate? Why do I still war against my fleshly self when it has already been put to death? O dear God, please help me.

  "14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.      21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.(Romans 7: 14-25) 

 

Alone with God.

I feel isolated. Alone.

            These were my thoughts for the past few nights. After being up late and working on homework for hours, I'd nestle into bed. My parents had already fallen into a deep sleep and it was then I'd feel utter loneliness. Usually I'd have my sister to sit in my room or talk to me while I worked but she's at college now. And silence has replaced her sweet spirit. So, far into the night I'd talk to God, feel his presence and yet still complain about being lonely. It was then I realized I that it was finally time I depended on Him alone. Why?

“If God is preparing you to make an impact on this world for His kingdom, chances are He will take you though a season of solitude. This is a season when you learn that you can’t lean upon anyone but Him for your confidence and when you gain the strength to stand alone even when no one stands with you.” (Leslie Ludy)

           Its beautiful how God reveals his purposes. He knew my of my loneliness and He didn't hesitate to share with me the reason for my solitude - so that I may know how to impact the world for Him when all I have is Him. I can't think of it as dreadful isolation, but rather a beautiful time alone with Christ. Its best explained by Henri Nouwen.

“The Desert Fathers did not think of solitude as being alone, but as being alone with God. They did not think of silence as not speaking, but as listening to God. Solitude and silence are the context within which prayer is practiced.”

Within my solitude, I shall listen to the calming voice of Christ. 

                                          I shall quieted by His love. 

                                                                              And warmed in His presence.

Absence Makes the ❤ Grow Fonder...

         
           Many have said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I now know this is true. My sister is gone for the month serving the Lord in a foreign country. Although I'm so glad she's out serving God with all her heart, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss her.
          Throughout my life, my sister and I have been absolutely inseparable. We do everything together. We go shopping, watch movies, get our nails done, go canoeing, basically anything and everything we do is always together. There are times during the week when she comes into my room and we both do homework. Not talking but simply enjoying each other's presence. I miss her. We're best friends, I love her more than any other person in this world. So, its really different that she's gone.
           In her absence I guess you could say my heart has grown more fond of her. Suddenly I appreciate her more. I realize where all my time goes. I finish homework sooner and go to  bed early because I have nothing to do. I now fully grasp why God didn't make me an only child. He knew before the beginning of time that I'd need an older sister to balance me out and keep my strong in my faith. My sister is one of the best gifts He he has ever given me. I will truly love her all the way until the ends of the ages and into all eternity.

Fearless?

            I’m so easily dictated by fear. Afraid to serve God. For so long I hide, easily passing by. Being comfortable. Because it’s so easy. It is. It’s easy to blend in. But what impact do we have for Christ if all we do is blend in? If all we say is to please others? What kind of person are we if we just fade into the background and serve God in the comfort of our own rooms? We hide our talents and coil in shame when asked to share them with others because of our fear. We turn to the corner and cower. We let the devil take hold. We give into his lies believing we aren’t good enough to do what God has called us to. “You’re a hopeless sinner of a dirty whorish race,” he tells us. 

           And it’s hard for us to refute this statement since we know it’s true. “All have sinned.”  Yet what Satan leaves off is this: God, the artist of the world the molder and framer of the entire universe sent his only son to die a brutal death. A death of blood. Humiliation. Mockery. Pain. And through this… He redeemed this whorish, ugly, dirty race. He married the harlot of Israel. He loved the least of these. The accusations the Devil states that hold us down in fear are not complete statements. He tells us our story. He tells the tale well, and sometimes so accurately we have no choice to accept it. Yet he tells us the tale and leaves off the “happily, ever after.” We are left fearful and in despair. He leaves out the love. He leaves out the peace. He gives us fear and makes us coil in shame never feeling worthy to serve such a King as God.  

          So now I wonder, why have I been held back in fear? I realize that while my sinful nature is nothing beautiful, God has renewed me and made me His and through His redemption I am now worthy to serve Him. It does not matter what others say. It does not matter if I have not the qualifications. God does not call the equipped. He equips the called.

People Pleaser?

           Define yourself. Who is __(insert name here)___? When I'm asked this question, I never know quite what to answer. I guess this is all about growing up and figuring out who you are cause to be honest, I have no idea who or what I am. I don't know if I'm outgoing or easy-going. I'm not sure if I'm unemotional or bubbly. I just I don't  know how to define myself. I can't decide what I am or who I want to be. I'm just... me. The only thing I do know about myself is this... I like to make others happy. I like to please others. And so... the other night I finally realized that if the world were to make a general statement of me, I would be labeled... "The people pleaser." Not the best thing. I don't think people would down-right admit that to my face, but in life, that has kind of been my aim. To have others like me. And so, with all that pressure, one can sometimes have far too many break-downs and exhaustive evenings. So. Yes, I've given this up to the Lord countless times, asking him to take away the burden of always feeling the need to please others. And like a normal human being I take back the burden time and time again. Why? Because that is what I define myself by. That's all I really know of who I am.

               But see, I keep forgetting this. I am not defined by my actions or personality or social skills. It is God who defines me. He has called me His. He says I am His beautiful daughter, a lovely child in the Family of righteousness. He is my definition. So while I'm here worrying about who and what I am, He looks down from heaven calling out "I am your definition, I define you." And there is relief in that. I don't have please them anymore. I don't have to always strain to be in the "social circle." There is rest in these words. And that's what I need most, rest. You see, someone once told me that in the late hours of the night when your body is tired, your soul is the most vulnerable. And in the late hours of the night when I'd cry in confusion, wondering why the tears fell, I'd utter, "I'm just so tired." Tired of what? Tired of tests, tired of talks, tired of tight social circles. Tired of pleasing others, taking back my burdens, making mistakes. Tired of being weighted down by continuous lies of the devil. David in the Bible felt a bit like this, He vented to the Lord,

"So many enemies against one man— all of them trying to kill me. To them I'm just a broken-down wall or a tottering fence.They plan to topple me from my high position. They delight in telling lies about (or to) me." (Psalm 62:3-4)

                  The devil, he does this to me. Tell me lies, tries to break me down. But here's the good part. I, like David, recognize there still is a way out of this. There's a way out of weariness. And where does it come from?

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 62:5-6)

                  So, who am I? I am  Christ's lovely daughter. I am rested. Not a people-pleaser. Not a perfect person. I am a girl who loves sparkles and sunshine, long baths and chick-flicks with a bag of Doritos and peach tea. A girl who enjoys bike rides and walks through the park, Cinderella and dancing in the rain. A girl who thinks you can taste color and smell memories. I'm me. Not a people-pleaser.

Busy as a Bee.

Hey y'all sorry I haven't posted in a while. I feel like I have so much to say to you. Let's see. I've had a busy few weeks. So here I'll highlight the specifics.
Mexico Mission Trip
               So here I am, back from my mission trip to Mexico with too many words on my tongue and far too many memories in my head to fathom, let alone put on a page. How can I write everything I've experienced in one single blog post? Its impossible. But I'll try. So we arrived in Cancun Mexico. We then visited the Calvary Chapel Church started there and was blessed and sent out by the pastor. Our team then divided into several groups and began to head separate ways for the next week. As we continued through our trip, we visited 4 different Calvary Chapels started in different locations and villages throughout Mexico(Hocaba, San Felipe, Merida, and Tizimin). At each of the churches we helped out through service projects or VBS for the children at the church. It was amazing to see the joy of the faces of those who we touched. While at Calvary Chapel Tizimin I encountered a new circumstance. After working on the church, we were divided into smaller groups to go on visitation to meet and pray for some of the church members.
            The house I visited belonged to an elderly woman. She had been living by herself in a small home with trash speckled across her front lawn and dirt plastering her red cement floor. Some of my group picked up trash while my friend and I scrubbed her floors clean. It didn't take long to clean the small living room and kitchen of her house, however right when I thought it was over, my leader asked me to step inside her bathroom and clean it. I had walked by it before and keeled over its smell, so this was a stretch for me. As I stepped inside the dimly lit small bathroom I looked around for a toilet, sink, and shower, but what I found was quite different. There was nothing but a whole in the ground for a toilet and a drain for a shower. How blessed we are. A shower and a toilet is not a need as we believe it is. It is a luxury. Do we ever realize that? When we're on a mission trip we live among the people and even experience a bit of destitution ourselves. Of course, we complain as well. And then after a week we're gone and back to our luxuries. It hurts me to know how spoiled I've become. How comfortable I am in my own air-conditioned room and sleeping on my pillow-topped bed. Mexico was liberating.
           You know what I've found about mission trips? When I drive in the back of pick-up trucks or big white vans down dusty bumpy roads, I feel at home. When I look and see old beat-up buildings on my left and my right. It makes so much sense. I feel happy. It feels real. Its nice to see such beautiful imperfection. Its nice to see lawns covered in weeds and natural landscapes. I love seeing wildflowers on the side of the road and vines taking over homes. Its so natural. To see thousands of stars covering the night sky. No light pollution is present, only the stars and the moon shine through the night. Only God's glory is seen. Fulfilling Christ's very words is what we did. His natural beauty was seen. And it was His presence I felt all through the trip.

Church Outreach Retreat
              I'm going to try to cover this in one paragraph considering my last "highlight" probably has exhausted your reading skills. So, this past weekend I went with a group of kids that are involved in the same church outreach as me. We went up to northern Florida to stay in a friend's lake house. While up there we went through some of the book "Radical Together." It was amazing to see my team and I grow closer spiritually and relationally. Empowering worship on the dock under the stars or by the campfire grew us closer in Christ. We also enjoyed recreational activities such as kayaking and going on walks through nature trails. It was an amazing trip. God was and always is so good.
Root Canal
              Right at the end of my retreat I had some unbearable toothaches. My front tooth would throb on and off and by the end of the trip my entire top lip was swollen. Finally, the day after I came back I got to the dentist and found out I had an abscess in my front tooth. Surely enough I went in and got a root canal. I'm still a bit swollen yet the pain is leaving me. It hasn't been fun, but I've learned a lot through the pain.
School Play Rehearsal
             Lastly... I have been quite busy lately with our school's play rehearsal for the musical "Beauty and the Beast." I am part of the ensemble group and in the opening scene I am a milkmaid and during the song "Be Our Guest" I am a feather duster! Its quite riveting. However, soon rehearsal shall be picking up and I may not be able to write as often, but until then, I shall be here faithfully writing my thoughts out to my faithful readers.


P.S. I realize this post is mainly a summary of my life and I apologize for possibly making you all feel like you're reading my diary. That's not my intention. But it happens. Sometimes.

No?

              I'm going to be very honest here. I absolutely hate saying no. I hate it. Its so hard to disappoint someone, to know that you have let them down. Many people also take no's as... rejection. And the fact of the matter is this... No's aren't always rejection. No sometimes means "I'm not ready" or "I'm happy how things are now" or even "Not the right timing." But you see, no matter how kind you put it people always take "no" the same way. I'm someone who hates to hurt others, I always want to liked by others, and make everyone happy... so saying "no" is hard. Hope you understand.... if its possible. 

A time to cry...

                  We, as Christians, many times feel that we must somehow hold all our problems and bear them all alone. Yes, we understand that God is in control, but we keep all our heartache and brokenness to ourselves. We don't want to "bother" others with these kind of encumbrances. We don't want others to feel "weighted down" by our own problems.... so instead we say everything is great and go on to ask about the weather. We sidestep the honesty of the question "How are you?" and simply answer with the typical reply of "I'm good" or "Everything's great". Even with trustworthy friends, we feel it easier on ourselves and others to not bring up our problems.
                   I am so lucky to go to a Christians school where I can regularly attend small groups every week. I also am very thankful for the girls I have in my group and how open we've become with each other. Today, during our small group time many of us (myself included) became very emotional. We had been holding in things in for so long it was great to pour out our feelings towards God and to give Him everything. To share our pains with one another, to relieve our burdens. That is what the church is all about. Bearing each others burdens, giving our pains to Christ. Sometimes in life you just need a good cry. And that was what today was all about - crying out our sorrows and expelling our despondent afflictions.


"Tears are words the heart can't say..." (Unknown)

Where do we run?

                Where do we run in trying times? Do we run to the open arms and comforting words of our friends? Do we confine in the luxuries of sweet and savory foods? Do we collapse into the warmth of our sleepy beds? Or do we instead cling to the strength of our Creator? Unfortunately, I seem to always place God last on the list when I'm needing comfort. I seek friend's advice, relish myself in "comfort food", or loose myself in a romance novel, trying to forget my worries. Eventually after shoving my feelings under for long amounts of time or simply not knowing where to put my heartache, I break and pour out my frustration on the Lord. Wouldn't it have been easier if I had just given him my struggles daily, and let Him lift my burdens continually? Wouldn't it be less painful in the end to give my heaviness and confused heart to the Lord regularly?
                This summer I went through many different hardships, many of them were things I had never thought to ever encounter in my life. During these struggles I poured out my heart to the Lord, wept bitterly, and cried out to him, yet I never asked him to heal me and take my burdensome heart. Months later, after the summer had ended I found myself crying still about those problems, wondering why I still was so scarred and despondent about the trials I had encountered then. I longed to share my hurt with anyone, I longed to run to friends and pour out everything that had happened. Yet that was a luxury that was not granted to me. I was supposed to keep my family's hardships between us in order to protect and support them. I complained to God, asking why I was not allowed to share my hardships with a physical presence rather than Him alone. He slowly revealed to me that although sharing your heart and mourning with others is needed in many situations, I was also called to respect and protect my family and keep the specific details of what had happened between the family and no one else. He then called me forth to lay my sadness upon him and put my heavy burdens in His strong arms.
                So where do you run? I now know, it it best to lay the problems I have at the alter of Jesus Christ. He alone is the amazing Comforter. And He alone can heal our heartache and weariness.

Another face?

              Going to a larger Christian school, I sometimes find it hard not to be just another face in the crowd. I honestly don't want to simply blend in. I'm not someone who has to be the center of the attention, but I still want to be known for originality. Its really quite hard. My school is absolutely amazing along with every single person in it. Its just sometimes I feel, that I'm.... boring. too serious. not exciting. And...


Just... nice. A "nice" girl. There's nothing wrong with that. Its just I wish that I was a bit more unique than "nice." Am I the only one who feels this way? I would like to be all those things I write about... winsome, enchanting, captivating, mysterious, the list goes on....
           Yet when I feel this way, He reminds me... There is no one like me. I am special in His sight. I am loved and cherished and adored by the Lord of all. I absolutely love the video below it basically sums up my testimony, a life of slavery towards striving for perfection and being accepted until one day I realized that God was revealing to me all along that I... am free.


http://vimeo.com/17039126 <--------- please watch.

Lies.

           What lies have you been told? It seems to be that these days all continually feel the devil telling me lies about myself and who I am in Christ to me. Continually, over and over again, he pours out these lies until I feel worthless. He tells me I'm "never enough", but also at the same time "too much". Why do we believe these kinds of lies? Inside we know they aren't true, but yet we still wallow in the shame he pours over us. Even when we know what he tells us is a lie, we still wonder, what is the real truth then? These real truths are found in God's word!

            When the devil says "You'll never be good enough for them!" God says, "Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you!"(Jeremiah 31:3) When the devil tell us, "you'll never amount to anything beautiful" God says "Listen, O daughter, consider and incline your ear; forget your own people also, and your father’s house; so the King will greatly desire your beauty..."(Psalm 45:11) When we are told, "you're not strong enough" His word says, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." Throughout God's word there are so many beautiful truth about who we are. We are not worthless. We are loved and adored by the creator of the universe! Below are just a few verse that exclaim His love for us:

·      "How precious is Your loving-kindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings." (Psalm 36:7)

"The LORD your God in your midst, the Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)

·        " For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

"In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John4:9-10)

God loves us Oh so much, He truly does! When will stop believing the lies of the world and believe His truths? We can ALWAYS count on Him. I pray that today we will finally tell the devil “NO!” and start to believe be are cherished by the God over every living thing!

Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns <-----listen to this! :)

Deserts.

             These are hard for everyone. Unlike our other seasons of life, these are the times when God is not evidently visible. Yes, we know He’s still at work, but we just can’t see Him. Deserts are those times in life where our relationship with God just seems to be dry. We’re in a drought.  Israel went through the desert, but they handled it all wrong. They wandered in the wilderness for years, yet even when God was clearly evident by sending them manna and quail, they still complained. They did not acknowledge He was their leader, they did not tell their children of the amazing works He had done in Egypt! God had led the Israelites through the 10 plagues without harm, and opened the seas just for them! Yet, how soon they forgot.  They didn’t acknowledge His presence and still wandered.

               

             This is what the LORD says: “What fault did your fathers find in me, that they strayed so far from me? They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves. They did not ask, ‘Where is the LORD, who brought us up out of Egypt and led us through the barren wilderness, through a land of deserts and rifts, a land of drought and darkness, a land where no one travels and no one lives?’ I brought you into a fertile land to eat its fruit and rich produce. But you came and defiled my land and made my inheritance detestable.”(Jeremiah 2:6-7)

                

                 God had rescued Israel from so many things, yet they never even asked where He was! When we go through desert what is our reaction to His sense of absence? Do we seek Him further and draw close to Him in these times, or do we go on wandered and wallowing in the dryness? I can only pray we seek Him further. When we are thirsty for the Lord He says,

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. (Isaiah 55:1)

              God freely gives to those who ask. He always wants us to draw closer to Him. Yes, we will go through floods, deserts, uncertainties, battles, overall just hard times, but whatever season God’s there, He’s our guide! In these times cling to these promises. He will never leave our forsake, He’s our rock, our refuge, our love. Never forget.

Raging Seas

              

              This season is probably by far the hardest one to go through. Especially for me. It’s in these times that I have such a hard time seeing God and what He’s doing. Yet in His word, it reveals God’s plan.

“Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.” (Psalm 77:19)

            

         God has a plan when He leads us through those unknown waters, yet we still can’t completely comprehend His ways. He’s our help and our rock of refuge in the raging seas. When David was fleeing from Saul, God was His continual protection and hiding place. In His raging seas David praised God saying in Psalm 46,

“God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.       

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.”

                God’s amongst us in our raging seas, He truly loves us. I know in the times when everything is dreary, when it’s pouring rain, God sends that golden beam of sunshine to shine through it all and create a beautiful rainbow. That rainbow reminds me that He keeps His promises, and that He’ll always be with me, even in the storm.