Well, one semester down.

         I am happy to say that I have officially survived my first semester of college. My goodness, what a journey it has been. I have loved the many memories and laughs I have shared with my new friends. Hikes in the mountains with people I'll never forget, dinners and deep talks with girls on my hall, and countless beautiful sunsets while sitting in the arms of my Creator - everything has swept me off my feet, challenged me, and taught me to remember God's faithfulness.

        College is funny in that it makes you continually question who you are and what you're doing. I for one, still haven't figured that out quite yet. I know my God, but still do not know all that He has in store for me.  And what I've realized is that no one has it all figured out. Not even those who seem to continually radiate Christ. We all are working through life, unknowing of what will happen next and filled with wonder about our futures. But if there's one thing I've learned its this,

"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one... May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ." (2 Thessalonians 3:3,5)

      

So what does God hold in store for me during this next semester and in this coming year?

I have no clue. But I'm excited to find out because He is faithful.

Be all there.

        Rain taps against the glass. Lights whoosh by the car. The continual hum of pavement passes beneath the car. My parents converse in the front seats and I sit quietly in the back tapping on my keys. We’re driving 80mph away from the place I love so much – my Floridian home. I’m beginning to learn I have to be okay with moving on, letting go, and making new memories. I need to learn to make new memories in new places with new people. Recently a quote by Jim Eliot grabbed my attention. He stated, 

“Wherever you are, be all there.”

        That’s my goal now, to be wherever I am, and not just in physical presence, but completely there in all aspects. 

Prayers from home.

How marvelous it is to sit here at home. To be quiet. To rest. To breath in the warm sticky Florida air and listen to the crickets, the wind chimes, and the rustling of trees in the wind. God, these past few months have been so busy. So full of fun, but the same time so hard and tiring. I'm thankful that you are continuously with me at college and that you go before me. I'm thankful for your presence at all moments. As I enter into these last few weeks before the semester ends, please guide me. Help me do what is right even when its so hard. Help to be patient, even when I'm being tested. Guide me in your paths of your righteousness and help me to live by faith. Let your will be done in my life, deliver me from all that would cause me to sin, and guide me. Continuously. For you alone are faithful.
I love you Lord.

Upon entering college...

             

...I don't think I understood how hard it would be. College is amazing, don't get me wrong, but it is so hard. There is such an opportunity to get caught up in yourself. Even in a Christian college it is easy to find yourself thinking, what will I do with with my life? Who are my friends? How am I making a good impression? It is easy to become selfish when these become the questions your hearts is reflecting upon daily. God convicted me about this in the past few weeks. It's easy for me to look out for myself and purposely elevate myself when I'm feeling self-conscious. Living for me can be exhausting, probably because it's not the way God designed us to live. So how can we fix this epidemic of selfishness as we live in a society that is all about "putting yourself first?"
            
First it is important to remember that we are not our own. 1 Corinthians 6 discusses the importance of living in this knowledge. I encourage you to read the entire chapter, but verses 19-20 really have impacted me. They state,

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."

We are Christ's. Our life should not be about bringing glory to ourselves, it is all about bringing Him glory. As we journey through life it is important to remember that we are continually living in His grace, abiding in His love, and walking in everlasting His forgiveness. Grace is such a beautiful thing - He loves us despite our sins. How humbling. How marvelous. His grace compels our worship of Him.
         
Second, it is also so important to remember to put others first. What? Yes, that's right, put others before yourself and see how it changes you.  A blog post I read recently by Leslie Ludy stated it well. She said,

"Though we typically become more socially refined in our selfishness as we grow into adulthood, often we never grasp what it means to be truly humble.  In Romans 12:3 Paul exhorts us: For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think…

In our “put yourself first” culture, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking too highly of ourselves.  Instead of looking for ways to build others up, we are often far more concerned with building ourselves up.  Whether we strive to be the center of attention at social gatherings, gossip and put others down in order to elevate our own reputation, or spend the majority of our time trying to build up our popularity on social media platforms – our society is rife with opportunities to choose self-honor over humility. 

This week, ask God for the grace to tune out the “me, me, me” messages of our culture, and focus on building others up, instead of yourself.  Look for ways to encourage and strengthen those around you.   When we approach others with an attitude of true humility, we reflect the glory of God and reveal the nature of Christ." (To read the whole article click Here.)

Well, That's all for now. Just wanted to share what was on my heart with all you out there. 

God. Is. Faithful.

Yes. I understand its been a while. I can't believe I haven't posted in half a year! I've missed you all, but sometimes you go through different seasons in life and for me, I just went through a season where I didn't want to blog post. Yes, weird I know, but anywho I'm back and so much has happened in my life. For starters I'm at college! Yes, I decided to attend Covenant College and I'm absolutely loving it so far. God has already taught me so much about myself and others and reaching out and stretching myself. 

The most important thing that God's been teaching me since I've been here has been this simple truth - God is Faithful. Yes I know that might seem like something trite or repeated continually in Sunday School, but how true it is. God is faithful in everything. He hears our prayers and walks with us through everything we encounter in life. Before I came to Covenant God reminded me that He was going before me. That even though everything would be different - different friends, a different bedroom, different classes, different food, different life experiences - even in all of the unfamiliar things I would encounter He was and always will be the same - The great I am who is and was and will always be. And He's kept His promise, He has gone before me and prepared my ways. Praise his faithfulness.

I'm Full.

           Let me first start out by saying this, God is so faithful, so merciful, so loving. He's been blessing me insurmountably. I keep feeling His presence and his guidance. This year, I have resolved to start memorizing and meditating on God's word more. One of the first verses I memorized was Lamentations 3:22-23. The beginning of Lamentations 3 starts with, you guessed it, a lamentation and a cry unto God. Jeremiah is crying on behalf of the forsaken Israel; it is lost and captive to its enemies. Yet in verse 22, he changes his tone, he states,

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercy never ceases. 

Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each morning."

         
           Although I am not in Israel's situation, quite the opposite really, these words still ring true for me. God is faithful, God is merciful, but not just in the good, in the bad as well. So, although I enjoy this season of blessing I understand that when life does happen and the bad does come, He still and will always be faithful. But right now, I'm full. I'm brimming over with His joy and overwhelmed by His presence. So what's making me so full right now?
1. I've been drawing so much closer to Christ and have a growing desire to continue and seek Him. The book I'm going through right now, 1 John , is packed full with so many great truths.
2. I'm a finalist for both the competitive scholarships I applied for at Covenant College, which means I get to attend their scholarship weekend (live on campus, visit classes and attend interviews to compete for the scholarships at their school).
3. I leave for my Bahamas mission trip tomorrow! I'm a student leader with a team of over 60 eighth graders, which is very scary, but also very exciting, please pray for me and the kids on my team.
4. My sister's still home from college and we've been making some great memories together - canoeing in the lake behind our house, taking bike rides together, watching movies, reading Jane Austen's novel aloud in my room late at night, and so much more...

Thankful for my stress

How many times have we complained about something that was shallow? How many times have we moaned about having too much homework or being exhausted or not having enough friends? The other night I was in this exact type of situation. And it was then I realized the things I complain about are actually blessings. When I complain about too much homework God reminds me that I am blessed to receive an education and have the opportunity to have homework. When I complain to God about missing my sister at college, God reminds me that I'm so blessed to even have a godly and loving sister. When I complain about PMSing and cramps God reminds me I am blessed because one day I will to be able to have children. There are so many things that we complain about that are actually blessings in disguise. Not even. They are downright blessings he's given us. So think next time you complain to God. You could be moaning over a blessing He's given you.

Idiosyncratic.

Unique. Quirky. Completely You. Are you idiosyncratic? Are you comfortable with being the quirky unusual amazing person God created you to be? Its hard for me to come out of my shell at times and be the person who is completely me. I get self conscience and worry so much about what others think, but in the end I find out I am totally and utterly idiosyncratic in Christ. He has made me just the way I am for a certain purpose. And what is that purpose? To use my unique talents and personality to serve Him and worship him with my whole likeness, with all that I am. With all of my idiosyncrasies.

Tragically Beautiful

               I've come to the conclusion that my life is tragically beautiful. Its horrible and jaw-dropping and startling and breathtaking. Its everything I'd never want, but in the end its something I'll always love. Life makes makes me cry and laugh and feel warm inside. Life's a mystery. Its like putting together a puzzle without the picture, because honestly, there is no formula given for perfection. And at the end of all life's confusion, I've found that for most it is ultimately and utterly tragic - tragic for those with no map. But that's what makes it beautiful for me - I do have a map.
             
              Within life's craziness, God's given us narrow view of what's ahead, a source of direction. So life, although tragic and horrible at times, has its sunsets and beautiful beginnings. God's grace, guidance, and goodness along with those impacted by His beauty add colorful light to the tragic darkness around us. Christ is all things beautiful and bright. Complacent Christians, can we please stop trying to be "cool" and "current" and simply imitate Him? Why can't we simply reflect his beautiful glory into the world? Because, when you take a chance to look, its obvious that its a tragic place out there. The world is longing for beauty whether they admit it or not. Can we all, as Christ-bearers, agree to be beautiful together?

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light  (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord." ~ Ephesians 5:1-10

His Grace.

I know I already posted today, but I saw this on one of my favorite blogs (chattingatthesky.com) and I couldn't help but repost, I felt like I prayed this exact prayer earlier today.

"Oh God, gather me now to be with you as you are with me.

Soothe my tiredness;
quiet my fretfulness;
curb my aimlessness;
relieve my complusiveness;
let me be easy for a moment.

O Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open
to receiving what you give,
to risking something genuinely new,
to learning something refreshingly different.

Forgive me
for claiming so much for myself
that I leave no room for gratitude;
for confusing exercises in self-importance
with acceptance of self-worth;
for complaining so much of my burdens
that I become a burden;
for competing against others so insidiously
that I stifle celebrating them
and receiving your blessing through their gifts.

O God, gather me to be with you as you are with me.

Amen."

Ted Loder, Guerillas of Grace

A Prayer for Restoration

Dear Father,
            Renew within me the fire you set in my heart this past summer. God renew within me the thirst I have for you, the desire for something more, the hope for something beautiful. God, I am never content with earthly things, only your true glory satisfies. Your blameless nature, your flawless love, God let me desire that. Not the attention of others, not the cooing and ahhhing of an audience, but rather I simply wish to desire your love.
           God I don't understand my jealousy of others. I don't see why I wish sometimes to be different. You created me special, and everyone else unique as well. You love us all equally, but know us each intimately and separately. Why do I wish for more than I have, when I am already so blessed. Forgive me. Forgive me for coveting and jealousy and unkind words and impure thoughts.
           Lord, I love you and I'm so very sorry for the times when I act as though I don't. I'm not perfect and you know that, so thank you for cleansing me with your son's blood. Thank you for forgiving and purifying me. I will love you always.
Love,
Your daugther

Rest.

"Be still and know that I am God." - Psalm 46.10

Wait quietly.

“Wait quietly in My presence while My thoughts form silently in the depths of your being. Do not try to rush this process, because hurry keeps your heart earthbound.“ - Sarah Young, Jesus Calling
              
                I'm going to be so honest here. Today was confusing and stressful and great and horrible all in the same. I leave tomorrow for 3 days to visit a possible future college choice. Its been so busy here and just the thought of being our of the loop for 3 days doesn't appeal to me. But, I'm still going. On top of it all, I'm finishing up the application process for a few colleges, which is rather stressful, and preparing for another application. I'm also missing my sister horribly and feeling rather lonely. I don't know which guy to like and who to trust. And on top of that all I have school and church ministries and academic scholarship programs and.....

Hush.

In the middle of all my complaining and ranting about all my troubles my eternal Love comes in and quiets me. I just need somewhere to breath. Something to rejuvenate me. And He will do just that. I don't want a hurried earthbound heart, but rather one that is caught up in Christ's peaceful and calming beauty.

My Sonnet - Thy Love

Love is not itself if it is not won,

If it is not grasped for and sought after,

Love is a journey not a condition.

It is a lifelong exultant laughter.

Love cries like sailors’ constant petitions,

To join their ship that salvages the heart,

From absorbing waters of division

That form maelstroms to tear true love apart.

So where is thine own love, thy man of bronze?

Where is He to win thy heart and thy hand?

Does he sit in a boat on a lake of swans?

Does he wait by water on calescent sand?

Or has he already lowly been seen,

Born amongst hay and dying on a tree?

Warring.

Will I ever learn? Will I ever stop being so shallow? Will I ever learn to grow up? God, I wish I could keep my lips closed. I wish I could keep my heart unshaken. I wish I could contain my feelings. It hurts me. To look back and see myself so prideful. So full of myself and full of my own desires. Where is that heart of Christ I long for? Where is the beautifully redeemed side of me? I wish it would shine through. I wish I could simply be Yours God. I hate sin. But by do I do what I so much hate? Why do I still war against my fleshly self when it has already been put to death? O dear God, please help me.

  "14For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.      21I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.(Romans 7: 14-25) 

 

Our Groom.

I read this article on one of my favorite blogs, please read it and click on the link below. Its absolutely amazing. Enjoy!

The Proposal

In every season...

In every season... I will praise you.

❤Joyfully Single❤

     
           You may have noticed a lot of posts lately about relationships or romance or just genuinely cutesy writing. I'm sure the Shakespeare's sonnet and "Dear Diary" post may have caught your attention. After much prayer and a few chats with God, I've realized that right now is a time for me to embrace being joyfully single. You see, nothing's wrong with having small crushes or dating, but rather the priority it has in your life. If it takes away from your relationship with God, its probably not the most fruitful thing to be doing at the moment. And that's what I realized. I'm leaving for college and less than a year as it is so any relationship I might eventually form would be short-lived considering my quick departure. Right now in life I want to be inseparable with my creator. Completely and hopelessly in love with Him.
       Knowing that I could easily get too attached to someone God hasn't intended for me is also something I have remembered in making decision these days. A quote by C.S. Lewis caught my eye recently. It states,

"Don't let your happiness depend on something that you may lose."

           I know that I will never ever lose Christ. He'll never walk away. So, as long as my happiness depends on Him, I know I shall never be let down. He will never leave me. He's my true love. I'm not a princess because I'm married to a prince, but rather because my Father is a King.

Affirmation in Christ.

Let me not be affirmed this world. Let not my definition come from others. Let not my joy come from circumstance. Let not my confidence come from spoken words. Let me not love others because of their position or for their love back. Let me not define beauty by the magazines. Let me not dictate my actions by my emotions. Let me not be affirmed by this world.

But let me be affirmed in Christ. Let Him define me. Let my joy come from his everlasting love. Let my confidence be in Him and His words. Let me love because he first hath loved. Let me seek true inward beauty. Let me live by his truths. Let me be affirmed in Christ.

Never. Forget.

I arrived home from a long long road-trip to Tennessee just a few hours ago. I have to say, I miss you all very much, but even so, I remembered to take notes to bring back to you all from what I learned on my trip. The following words were written while on my adventure. Enjoy!

        "Here I am. Sitting out on a wooden porch in a rocking chair listening to crickets chirp. The sun has just set and its that beautiful golden hour right before the sky turns velvety black. Its peaceful and wonderful. Its one of the last moments I have before things begin to get complicated. Before summer reading essays and AP art studying. Before driver tests and tight knit social circles. Before college applications and potentially boy trouble. So I'm taking it all in. The calm before the storm.
         God, I need strength. Strength to deal with summer homework and school and friends and college applications and SAT prep and maybe even boys. Please Father help me to balance my work load. I need a huge overdose of diligence, better work ethic, state-of-the-art time planning skills, and especially discipline. Lots of that. All of it, I can't do it without you. Guide me. And hold me in the hard times. Help me to remember all I've learned this summer. That I can't do anything without You and that WE WERE MADE to thirst for You and long for Your love (not mere human attention although that may be desired as well). That nothing satisfies but You. That I am made in your perfect and beautiful image but sin has made me weak. But in that weakness You forever will make me strong. That any demeaning words against myself are lies of the enemy. That things can always get worse than my blessed situation now. That You are God and I am surely not. And in all this I pray I shall always remember that You will shelter me through ANY storm in the pavilion of Your love.
          Still Discouraged? Read Psalm 27. Now."