Fearless?

            I’m so easily dictated by fear. Afraid to serve God. For so long I hide, easily passing by. Being comfortable. Because it’s so easy. It is. It’s easy to blend in. But what impact do we have for Christ if all we do is blend in? If all we say is to please others? What kind of person are we if we just fade into the background and serve God in the comfort of our own rooms? We hide our talents and coil in shame when asked to share them with others because of our fear. We turn to the corner and cower. We let the devil take hold. We give into his lies believing we aren’t good enough to do what God has called us to. “You’re a hopeless sinner of a dirty whorish race,” he tells us. 

           And it’s hard for us to refute this statement since we know it’s true. “All have sinned.”  Yet what Satan leaves off is this: God, the artist of the world the molder and framer of the entire universe sent his only son to die a brutal death. A death of blood. Humiliation. Mockery. Pain. And through this… He redeemed this whorish, ugly, dirty race. He married the harlot of Israel. He loved the least of these. The accusations the Devil states that hold us down in fear are not complete statements. He tells us our story. He tells the tale well, and sometimes so accurately we have no choice to accept it. Yet he tells us the tale and leaves off the “happily, ever after.” We are left fearful and in despair. He leaves out the love. He leaves out the peace. He gives us fear and makes us coil in shame never feeling worthy to serve such a King as God.  

          So now I wonder, why have I been held back in fear? I realize that while my sinful nature is nothing beautiful, God has renewed me and made me His and through His redemption I am now worthy to serve Him. It does not matter what others say. It does not matter if I have not the qualifications. God does not call the equipped. He equips the called.

Be mine?

Its that day. Valentine’s Day. The day of corny love letters, heart-felt poems, arranged flowers, and bitter singles.  Yes, another single year for me. And although I’d like to say I’m completely happy handing out my heart shaped candy boxes to my girlfriends, there’s always something inside me that hopes for the valentine’s day I can celebrate with the one I love.

Sure, it may be many years from now, but still I do dream of the day when I’ll receive a bouquet of daisies and a hand-made card. The day I’ll have a valentine. The day I’ll have someone to love. The day I’ll be able to prepare something cheesy and sweet for my man. That day may be far away. So until then Jesus is my valentine. He’s mine and I am His. Today, I’ll fall in love with Jesus.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

My favorite scene from the old classic, Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Dear lover.

My love, my husband,

             I'm still waiting. Still haven't met you. And  that's probably a good thing, considering I kinda have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to relationships. I'm hoping that somewhere, far, far, away you're waiting as well and that God has given you amazing wisdom and strength to deal with someone like me. I'm trying here darling, but its very hard sometimes. I feel like I keep breaking hearts and messing up. I don't want to be "that girl," but sometimes I fear its too late. I feel like I've been asking God for wisdom and trying to make the best decisions I can, but its just not working at the moment. I'm not giving up though, I'm learning from my mistakes. Honey, have I mentioned, I miss you, even though I haven't met you, I miss you. 
            So what about you? How's your life doing? Do you think about me? Do you pray for me? I'm praying for you. Praying that you have the will to continue on and wait for my heart. I'm saving my everything for you. I've not given away my heart to anyone yet, its safe with Jesus. I'm saving the kiss, the "I love you," and the first beautiful night for you. But its not just those things, I'm saving so much more for you.
            So... where does this leave us? Waiting still. Love, it is patient. And so, I'll keep waiting for you to come into my life. I'm being picky... just so you know. I'm not settling. Yes, I know you won't be perfect, and that's good, cause I surely ain't. So I'm still here. Missing you, loving the idea that one day we'll meet.
        Your beloved wife,
       Audrey <3

Bucket List - Build a Tree House

              When I was a little girl I would continually ask my parents to build me a tree house. And what was their reply? We don’t have a tree big enough. So now, I’ve made the decision that I want to make a tree house for my kids when I’m older. A place they can go with friends, a quiet place to do homework, somewhere sit and think in, and even a place I can reminisce in.

              Maybe its too early to start planning these kind of things, but still, its always a good thing to have in mind. So one day... hopefully, one day... I'll make a huge tree house for my kids. And in that house, I'll be a kid again. Happy. Innocent. And Free.

Bucket List - Dance in the Rain

                 I've seen the movies, I've read the books, and I've heard the stories... it would be amazing to dance in the rain. I've never been afraid of rain. When others run for cover, I've always inwardly wanted to stay out and jump through puddles enjoying the water as it hits my face and gathers on my eyelashes. To roll up my jeans, tie back my hair, and soak up the sweet natural waters from above... that would be pure bliss. Rain is simply perfect for everything. You can cry through it, dance with it, kiss in it, sleep to it, and sing in it. But whether you're crying, dancing, kissing, sleeping, or singing... rain keeps its constant down pour. It harmonizes with your every move. Its rain. The thing I'd like to dance in... sometime before I kick the bucket.