Upon reflection.

I will begin by saying how personal this blog post is to me and the strength I have needed to post it. Please read with an understanding heart.

 Being home I have the an opportunity to reflect upon my last semester of college. Three words have come to mind during my reflection. 
Adjustment. 

Stagnant. 

Hopeful.

Adjustment.

     College has been an adjustment for me. It is so much more different than I could have imagined in both good and bad ways. I have found that I have adjusted my time to fit my school and work schedules as well as making room for my social life. Unfortunately my time with Christ is where I have compromised. In a sense, I have been fitting Him in. Whether it was the extra half hour before bed with my flashlight, or the ten minutes of free time before my laundry was finished, instead of adjusting the busyness of life for Christ, I have adjusted my time with Christ for busyness. This in turn has led to the next word.

Stagnant.

     Where is my spiritual growth? Surely I haven't turned away from God. I've continued to read His word, have had deep conversation about his faithfulness, served Him through volunteering, and prayed before meals and bed. But yet, I feel farther away from Him than before I left for college. And why? I squeezed Him into my schedule and prided myself in this as if it was my own humble deeds. I've drowned in self-righteousness. And through it all I have been so loveless. Tonight my sister read 1 Corinthians 13. I realized what a case I have made for Paul's words. The chapter reads,

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing. Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

      How little anything profits without love. And how little I have profited the Lord. Oh that I may change. Oh that I may learn to love well. Oh that I may be broken by my selfishness and desire to bring glory to Him alone. 

Hopeful.

     And yet, in all of my sin, I praise God for His grace and His mercies. Praise God, for He has given me the grace to recognize my self-righteous spirit. He has chosen by His sovereignty to reveal to me the darkness of my ways. Praise Him who forgives and desires to change my stagnant heart. "His love never fails." And because He has first loved me, may I now love Him and love others. I know that the Lord my God is faithful and that He will complete the work which He has started in me. (Philippians 1:1-11) And in this I have hope.

Well, one semester down.

         I am happy to say that I have officially survived my first semester of college. My goodness, what a journey it has been. I have loved the many memories and laughs I have shared with my new friends. Hikes in the mountains with people I'll never forget, dinners and deep talks with girls on my hall, and countless beautiful sunsets while sitting in the arms of my Creator - everything has swept me off my feet, challenged me, and taught me to remember God's faithfulness.

        College is funny in that it makes you continually question who you are and what you're doing. I for one, still haven't figured that out quite yet. I know my God, but still do not know all that He has in store for me.  And what I've realized is that no one has it all figured out. Not even those who seem to continually radiate Christ. We all are working through life, unknowing of what will happen next and filled with wonder about our futures. But if there's one thing I've learned its this,

"But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one... May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ." (2 Thessalonians 3:3,5)

      

So what does God hold in store for me during this next semester and in this coming year?

I have no clue. But I'm excited to find out because He is faithful.

10 days.

10 days until I go back to sunny florida for Christmas break. I can't describe how I feel about it. I'm not just saying that to be artsy, I mean it. I don't know how I feel about it. I love my home here in the mountains. How marvelous it is to be nestled up in my college window seat, chilly air numbing my fingers as they hit the keys of my computer. I feel as if I'm sitting up in the sky. The trees are all bare here and a deep gray has taken over the entire mountain. Today is the first day in a long time that the sun has been out and how marvelous it is, my relationship with this mountain is surely something special. As I typer a hang-glider is soaring adjacent to me over the valley below. How amazing to be here. How blessed I am. Oh how I love it.

Be all there.

        Rain taps against the glass. Lights whoosh by the car. The continual hum of pavement passes beneath the car. My parents converse in the front seats and I sit quietly in the back tapping on my keys. We’re driving 80mph away from the place I love so much – my Floridian home. I’m beginning to learn I have to be okay with moving on, letting go, and making new memories. I need to learn to make new memories in new places with new people. Recently a quote by Jim Eliot grabbed my attention. He stated, 

“Wherever you are, be all there.”

        That’s my goal now, to be wherever I am, and not just in physical presence, but completely there in all aspects. 

Prayers from home.

How marvelous it is to sit here at home. To be quiet. To rest. To breath in the warm sticky Florida air and listen to the crickets, the wind chimes, and the rustling of trees in the wind. God, these past few months have been so busy. So full of fun, but the same time so hard and tiring. I'm thankful that you are continuously with me at college and that you go before me. I'm thankful for your presence at all moments. As I enter into these last few weeks before the semester ends, please guide me. Help me do what is right even when its so hard. Help to be patient, even when I'm being tested. Guide me in your paths of your righteousness and help me to live by faith. Let your will be done in my life, deliver me from all that would cause me to sin, and guide me. Continuously. For you alone are faithful.
I love you Lord.

Lessons From Pooh.

                 "How lucky 

        am I to 

       have something 

                        that makes  

 saying goodbye  

          so hard."

                             -Winnie the Pooh

Upon entering college...

             

...I don't think I understood how hard it would be. College is amazing, don't get me wrong, but it is so hard. There is such an opportunity to get caught up in yourself. Even in a Christian college it is easy to find yourself thinking, what will I do with with my life? Who are my friends? How am I making a good impression? It is easy to become selfish when these become the questions your hearts is reflecting upon daily. God convicted me about this in the past few weeks. It's easy for me to look out for myself and purposely elevate myself when I'm feeling self-conscious. Living for me can be exhausting, probably because it's not the way God designed us to live. So how can we fix this epidemic of selfishness as we live in a society that is all about "putting yourself first?"
            
First it is important to remember that we are not our own. 1 Corinthians 6 discusses the importance of living in this knowledge. I encourage you to read the entire chapter, but verses 19-20 really have impacted me. They state,

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body."

We are Christ's. Our life should not be about bringing glory to ourselves, it is all about bringing Him glory. As we journey through life it is important to remember that we are continually living in His grace, abiding in His love, and walking in everlasting His forgiveness. Grace is such a beautiful thing - He loves us despite our sins. How humbling. How marvelous. His grace compels our worship of Him.
         
Second, it is also so important to remember to put others first. What? Yes, that's right, put others before yourself and see how it changes you.  A blog post I read recently by Leslie Ludy stated it well. She said,

"Though we typically become more socially refined in our selfishness as we grow into adulthood, often we never grasp what it means to be truly humble.  In Romans 12:3 Paul exhorts us: For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think…

In our “put yourself first” culture, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking too highly of ourselves.  Instead of looking for ways to build others up, we are often far more concerned with building ourselves up.  Whether we strive to be the center of attention at social gatherings, gossip and put others down in order to elevate our own reputation, or spend the majority of our time trying to build up our popularity on social media platforms – our society is rife with opportunities to choose self-honor over humility. 

This week, ask God for the grace to tune out the “me, me, me” messages of our culture, and focus on building others up, instead of yourself.  Look for ways to encourage and strengthen those around you.   When we approach others with an attitude of true humility, we reflect the glory of God and reveal the nature of Christ." (To read the whole article click Here.)

Well, That's all for now. Just wanted to share what was on my heart with all you out there. 

God. Is. Faithful.

Yes. I understand its been a while. I can't believe I haven't posted in half a year! I've missed you all, but sometimes you go through different seasons in life and for me, I just went through a season where I didn't want to blog post. Yes, weird I know, but anywho I'm back and so much has happened in my life. For starters I'm at college! Yes, I decided to attend Covenant College and I'm absolutely loving it so far. God has already taught me so much about myself and others and reaching out and stretching myself. 

The most important thing that God's been teaching me since I've been here has been this simple truth - God is Faithful. Yes I know that might seem like something trite or repeated continually in Sunday School, but how true it is. God is faithful in everything. He hears our prayers and walks with us through everything we encounter in life. Before I came to Covenant God reminded me that He was going before me. That even though everything would be different - different friends, a different bedroom, different classes, different food, different life experiences - even in all of the unfamiliar things I would encounter He was and always will be the same - The great I am who is and was and will always be. And He's kept His promise, He has gone before me and prepared my ways. Praise his faithfulness.

I'm Full.

           Let me first start out by saying this, God is so faithful, so merciful, so loving. He's been blessing me insurmountably. I keep feeling His presence and his guidance. This year, I have resolved to start memorizing and meditating on God's word more. One of the first verses I memorized was Lamentations 3:22-23. The beginning of Lamentations 3 starts with, you guessed it, a lamentation and a cry unto God. Jeremiah is crying on behalf of the forsaken Israel; it is lost and captive to its enemies. Yet in verse 22, he changes his tone, he states,

"The faithful love of the Lord never ends. His mercy never ceases. 

Great is His faithfulness. His mercies begin afresh each morning."

         
           Although I am not in Israel's situation, quite the opposite really, these words still ring true for me. God is faithful, God is merciful, but not just in the good, in the bad as well. So, although I enjoy this season of blessing I understand that when life does happen and the bad does come, He still and will always be faithful. But right now, I'm full. I'm brimming over with His joy and overwhelmed by His presence. So what's making me so full right now?
1. I've been drawing so much closer to Christ and have a growing desire to continue and seek Him. The book I'm going through right now, 1 John , is packed full with so many great truths.
2. I'm a finalist for both the competitive scholarships I applied for at Covenant College, which means I get to attend their scholarship weekend (live on campus, visit classes and attend interviews to compete for the scholarships at their school).
3. I leave for my Bahamas mission trip tomorrow! I'm a student leader with a team of over 60 eighth graders, which is very scary, but also very exciting, please pray for me and the kids on my team.
4. My sister's still home from college and we've been making some great memories together - canoeing in the lake behind our house, taking bike rides together, watching movies, reading Jane Austen's novel aloud in my room late at night, and so much more...

New Year's Resolutions.

Year Long Resolutions:

     

     1.    Memorize at least 50 Bible verses

     2.    Get healthy!

     3.    Go on two mission trips

     4.    Start college

     5.    Continue to follow God faithfully

Monthly resolutions:

-January: Watch a movie in the park

-February: Send a candy gram to someone lonely
-March: Take a trip to Chicago
-April: Start praying for each individual person in my grade
-May: Get a summer job
-June: Read 5 new books
-July: Go shopping for college dorm supplies
-August: Start college
-September: Get busy (join a club, ministry, gym, etc…)
-October: Carve your very own pumpkin
-November: Add life to your dorm (buy a goldfish or potted plant)
-December: Read Wuthering Heights during Christmastime